SEARS Family Portrait Studio Theatre

12:00PM - The Muzzy Family Portrait

Diane Muzzy sent this picture out in the middle of the summer as a way of letting her friends and family know once and for all that she was finally over "that woman." Proof that her marriage to Jim wasn't a "farce" and that she wasn't "just kidding herself."

12:34PM - The Jovi-Mulleto Family Portrait

"Just like shooting fish in a barrel," Pete said to the photographer about his job as a carney out to Fun Town. Known for his preternatural abilities with the arcade games, Pete rose from a small time Ski Ball champ to his new position. Instrumental in creating the "unwinnable" ring toss game simply called Toss Off, Pete lures in cocky teen-aged boys trying to score a Skynyrd mirror or a Dale Ernhardt commemorative shot glass. "See I make 'em think they can win by makin' the rings bigger on the inside but what they don't know is them rings can't land around just one peg... Don't tell anyone I told you that."

His wife is a hairdresser, but that goes without say really.

12:19PM - The Knutsons Family Portrait

Meet the Knutsons of Vermont. When Dave showed up late...AGAIN, stinking of Slim Jims and strippers, Betsy refused to make eye contact. But she did manage to ask him, through gritted teeth, where in the H.E. Double Hockey Sticks his holiday sweater was. She wouldn't swear because the boys were there. Shortly after the picture was taken, Dave vomited in the fake fireplace and Frank (the one with the glasses) cried. The other one... Dave Jr. punched Frank for being a "fag."